Chess News and Gossip

World Championship Update

I know what you’re thinking! You’re thinking that you really don’t care about an update concerning the Anand versus Gelfand snorathon. That an afternoon watching the live feed from Moscow is only a small improvement on being trapped in a lift with Cathal Murphy and Phillip Morrison during a power cut! Well it’s a gargantuan improvement really, but we’ll say small for dramatic effect, this World Championship promised so much and delivered next to sod-all.

We expected this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ygRholyh5g

We got this instead http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FdQVx55_fs

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A.G.M  Date Set

The A.G.M has been set and proposals called for before the end of next week, here at Ballynafeighchess we were given a sneak preview of some of the proposals being tabled for discussion, here is a list of some.

1) In the interests of competitive chess Michael Waters should play with 30 minutes less on his clock at the start of play to give other players a better chance to compete with him…. Proposer Karina Kruk

2) That the UCU elects a web editor can distinguish the difference between chess pieces and golf balls…. Proposer Owen Wilson

3) That the UCU supply alcoholic refreshments at all one day events… Proposer Paddy Magee

4) That the length of a match be extended from 1 hour 30min to 2 hours 30min… Proposer Mark Newman

5) That any player playing board 1 more than six times in a season receive free UCU membership as they have to study more that the under boards….  Proposer Richard Gould

6) That the UCU ban Roy Stafford from chess….  Proposer Damien Cunningham.

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Next Super Series Event 2

David has been checking dates and the next event will be on Tuesday 26th June, so get  your placed booked A.S.A.P

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Super Series Event 1

The Ballynafeigh Chess Club’s quick-play Super Series got off to an absolute flyer on Tuesday night at their Ormeau road venue, controlled by the peerless resident fixtures and fittings of Ulster Chess David McAlister. The tournament drew a notable crowd with some participants travelling from as far away as Banbridge, Crumlin and Carrickfergus, the bold Paddy Magee even travelled from the Hatfield bar down the street, though it was after he was ejected from the premises, his luck didn’t change much when he arrived at Ballynafeigh only to discover the free chess refreshments were in actual fact tea, coffee and spirit free if not sugar-free coke.

A superb field both in numbers and quality assembled for the evening with Ulster Chess top-dog Michael Waters the headline act, there to try and muzzle him if not put him back in his kennel was the hunting pack of Scannell Leitch Annesley Mooreland Mallaghan Lavery and Walls. However it was a lesser fancied player who inflicted the first defeat of the season on Waters and that person was none other than your author (stands up takes a bow, sits down again) who unleashed a monstrous f5 push with raking bishops on a2 and g5 a supporting rook on f1 and a back up queen on the d2 h6 diagonal, Waters may be the top-dog of Ulster Chess but he took a severe mauling from a Rottweiler of an attack from Cunningham, his end came as swift as it was brutal, at that moment there was no doubt that nobody was going to get it easy in the Super Series especially the icons.

Waters left stunned after f5

Mallaghan Lavery Mooreland Cunningham Annesley and Walls set the early running but as each met their own fate and fell by the wayside it was Lavery and Mooreland who were left standing front and centre for the final showdown. Earlier Lavery accurately pressurized Scannell into positional errors in a rook endgame before going on to clinically dispatch Annesley, Mooreland had to hold a dangerous Cunningham rally after the later had gifted him a rook, but then the Ballynafeigh man ran out of space as Mooreland drove him back and eventually got to make use of the extra rook. In the end Lavery and Mooreland played out a draw, but Lavery was awarded 1^st place on the count-back system which seen his defeated opponents score a higher tally than Mooreland’s victims.

Mohamed Saad became Mohamed happy after picking up the under 1400 grading prize his tally included a fortuitous draw against Waters who having won on board and clock offered his less experienced opponent the draw as a magnanimous gesture after an honest but humorous error by Waters robbed Saad of his last 9 seconds. The under 1800 grading prize was won by the most handsome, intelligent, interesting, witty, charming, obliging and wonderful person ever to have graced a chessboard (stands up takes another bow refuses to sit down again, milks it for everything!)

So a cracking event which will be replicated in the same format in a month’s time at the same venue with the same controller, but hopefully with yourself there playing instead of reading about it.

FINAL STANDINGS

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Odds for the Tuesday Super Series

Michael Waters 2/1   5/2   11/4  Fav
Steve Scannell 4/1   100/30  3/1
Gareth Annsley 5/1   6/1
Calum leitch 17/2   8/1   10/1  12/1 (mustn’t be working well at home)
Damien Lavery 17/2   10/1   14/1
Eamonn Walls 17/2
Danny Mallaghan 12/1
Des Mooreland 12/1
Sam Flannagan 16/1
Damien Cunningham 20/1
David Conlon 25/1
Paul McLoughlin 25/1
Ian Woodfield 28/1  25/1  20/1  16/1  10/1  8/1 (Drug test ordered)
Karina Kruk 40/1
Chris Armstrong 50/1
Robert Lavery 66/1
Martin Kelly 80/1  125/1   150/1  200/1  500/1
Drew Ferguson 125/1  no offers  withdrawn under vets instruction
Mohamed Saad 125/1
Ram Rajam 250/1
Paul Adamson 500/1
Adrian Dornsford Smith 500/1
Paul Anderson 1000/1

E/W   1/4 the odds places 1,2,3

All bets layed by David (Eastwood) McAlister

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ONLY 24 HOURS UNTIL

The quick-play tournament will be hosted by the Ballynafeigh Chess Club on the first floor of their venue, the evenings events will be directed by that infamous overseer in chief David McAlister, so best behaviour guys! clocks start at 7.40 sharp.

Target man for the evening will be the residing top-dog of Ulster Chess at the moment Michael Waters, speaking from his plush South Belfast penthouse Waters said he looked forward to the challenge but wanted to state clearly beforehand that whilst he was prepared to pose for photographs for free, all signed photographs were subject to a charge of £3.00 for 7×5 and £5 10×6 owing to the fact that the rent was due next week!

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What are we playing?

Could some UCU official who hasn’t resigned, thrown the toys out of the pram, huffed, been arrested or generally sacked from any position of influence within the UCU please edit the union website by deleting a post on GOLF. It is the Ulster Chess Union when I joined it, and it was the Ulster Chess Union at the last AGM, so unless there has been a black-ops mission by Tiger Woods or a military coup by Rory McIlroy and Darren Clarke when the rest of us weren’t looking I’d love to know what to hell it’s doing on the official website for CHESS in Northern Ireland.

To have an article on chess with a throw away reference to another sport, pastime, or exercise is absolutely fine which would find no fault from this quarter, but when the throw away lines are about chess whilst actively touting for participants for future golf events on our website is breathtakingly arrogant. So could someone hit the delete button please with immediate effect.

Owen Wilson said:     Yes, indeed, I agree wholeheartedly with the Editorial Supremo of the Ballynafeigh Chess Club web-site. The featuring of GOLF on the UCU CHESS web-site seems more than just a curious aberration-cum-trespass…What in Heaven’s name is happening to Ulster Chess ?? Is it going down the tubes or what ??

I mean…is there so little to talk about on chess, on both the local as well as the international front, that we have to be subjected to this unwarranted intrusion by a game which revolves around balls…little and white…and which are belted around Ireland’s Green and Pleasant Land ?? After all, there is the Ballynafeigh Blitz tourney…there is the excellent Civil Service tourney which stretches practically ad infinitum… way into September.

It just strikes me that the Powers-That-Be who contrived to have GOLF inserted into a CHESS web-site were simply looking for an easy-way-out, Glorious Publicity Freebie…Perhaps their chess results aren’t exactly up to the mark and they are indulging in a spot of what the psychologists call “compensation”, i.e. if you are not making it in one sphere of activity, then shift your emphasis elsewhere…and perhaps you might strike it lucky…

Those who contrived the insertion of GOLF on the UCU web-site are, presumably, members of the UCU. I am also a fully-paid-up member of the UCU and seeing as how a seemingly glorious free-for-all is in vogue at the UCU Web-site, I would like to claim my right as a member to have the Noble Art of TIDDLYWINKS advertised on this same medium….I must confess that my chess results aren’t exactly setting the mysterious UCU Ratings .on a Sky-high course…plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose…would seem to be the motto here…So, I too am seeking an outlet for frustrated chess ambitions and Tiddlywinks is my FINAL ANSWER . And, furthermore, I reckon I don’t need to PHONE A FRIEND to galvanize TIDDLYWINKS membership, because I know enough chess players who are so peed off by their woeful chess results that they will gladly jump on the TIDDLYWINKS BANDWAGON. So, it’s HI-YO, SILVER, AND AWAY !!!

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Snooze-Fest  zzzZZZ

The World Championship show down between current champion Viswanathan Anand of India and the pretender to the throne Boris Gelfand of Israel is in serious danger of turning into a slow-down more than a show down as both camps go flat out to avoid any major assaults on their opponents defensive positions, and also to avoid all deviations from the proven static lines. Five games with five draws and to be brutally honest three games were draws that 1500 rated players could have played without much difficulty.

The Moscow audience struggle to be wow’ed

The FIDE Web editor can’t wait to post the games on-line

The tournaent director denies that the match is not riveting

Steve Scannell said: Yeah maybe Anand-Gelfand are trying to beat the 8 draws in a row of Anand- Kasparov ’95.  Anand is trying as White v Gelfand’s Gruenfeld but Anand having it far too easy as Black with the Slav. Gelfand hasn’t done anything with White. Local chess is a lot more interesting than this.

Ballynafeighchess said: I’m wondering if the Gelfand camp are deliberately avoiding an early victory or serious attacking positions in order not to show their hand too early forcing the Anand team to take the offensive. Perhaps their game plan is to draw the life out of everything until late in the series before revealing their secret lines or new ideas, hopefully snatch a win, then batten down the hatches and ride out the Indian storm.

Steve Scannell said: Yes the Gelfand camp could be holding back until late in the match to spring a surprise. Even if they don’t have an ace in the hole, they must be happy with Boris’ defensive skill. Their prep work in the 5th game was fantastic. They definitely took the life outta the Sveshnikov. Interesting stuff. I wonder if the match will go down to penalties?

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Super Tuesday

Next Tuesday sees the start of the Ballynafeigh Super Series, one quick-play tournament on a Tuesday every month over the course of the summer (so that’ll be one tournament with our weather, maybe we should all move to the Mediterranean)

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Pinstripes Flock-Hats and Spats in Poland

Al Capone didn’t die after all it seems that he’s alive and well and running the playing of chess Worldwide in the shape of F.I.D.E. Ballynafeighs Karina Kruk trialled and was accepted for the Irish junior women’s team, she then had to complete a certain number of ICU registered games, a criteria which she also fulfilled, and was eagerly looking forward to international competition when the following bombshell exploded on her dreams.  F.I.D.E are insisting the Polish Chess Union demand a transfer fee of £250 to release her registration documents, a rather bizarre stance considering that Karina never ever played for any Polish team at any level but to play for the few years she was there she joined the Polish Chess Union, a body similar to the ICU or UCU which somehow Poland now regards as a form of quasi citizenship and want a financial redemption for a player that they never ever would have been selected to play for them, Karina  has always held an Irish Passport. Big Al eat your heart out!

Polish Chess Federations  F.I.D.E  Chauffeur

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2012 US Chess Championship

The Chess scheduel is having a purple patch at the moment with the World Chess Match between Annand and Gelfand coming live from Moscow from today onwards. The  US Championship running from the 7th to the 21st May hosted by the St Louis Chess club and is also streamed live for an english speaking audience.

http://uschesschamps.com/

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Some Chess players really need to get out more!

“Bajesus I’ll looking forward to a good ride tonight after this” he declared as a matter of fact without a thought for reservation or embarrassment. I looked up from the hell-hole of a gravel pit that we’re attempting to conjure into a fashionable patio area, pausing momentarily to reclaim a semblance of a breath. “Are you? Well I’m absolutely ecstatic for your short term future plans” I added, “Personally I’m completely and utterly knackered from shovelling four ton of clay out and four ton of hardcore and gravel back in, so perhaps if you could use some of that enthusiastic energy in actually giving me a hand instead of behaving like an eighteenth century plantation owner I wouldn’t be on my knees gasping for breath and requiring the arms of a cartoon gorilla”

“I was only saying like, there’s no need to be goin’ and getting all upset like” he said, “why don’t you take a break from that compacting if its doin’ your head in and move those slab stones instead”

“What! There’s two hundred of the back breaking buggers! Are you on glue?” I stuttered.

“Ach sure I’m only messing with you take a proper break and come on into the house and I’ll let you have a peep at my babe” he said.

“What?” I said, “You definitely are on glue if you think I want to go in just to look at your babe, do you think I’m Richard Gould?”

“You’ll not be saying that when you see her, she’s an absolute stunner, what a frame to this girl I’m telling ya, I get goose bumps with pride when I’m seen out in public with her Damien, swear to God I do”

We entered the house and I was thinking this is just taking the trophy wife syndrome way beyond the pale, way beyond it completely. However I’d be polite to his missus, get this lunatic to make us tea or coffee and get back to the compactor machine a.s.a.p.

I didn’t see anyone about the house and said “she must have gone out David”

Standing back he retorted quite dismissively “has she hell, she’s upstairs where I left her lying when I’d finished with her this morning”

“Sorry.. you left her where.. when you what!” I blurted.

“ I left her when I’d finished” he repeated “the new four poster bed arrived this morning so I took my baby upstairs and gave her a bloody good service, boy she needed it I’ll tell you, and when I’d finished I left her sprawled there on the bed all nicely oiled for me for later”

“Whoa! Whoaa… Just hold it right there David, I don’t want to know what you do in the privacy or actually the blatant lack of it in your own bedroom I’m really not interested one little bit” I said

“Ach wise up fella you’ll not be saying that when you get a wee feel of her when we put her into her special harness” “No David trust me I will, I’m not into that stuff, hang on what.. in a what.. a harness!

“Oh aye she needs a special harness to support her!” he replied

“She does, Jesus she must be a quare heavy girl David I enquired with a statement!  “Not at all she’s as light as a feather she’s a wee sporty type, there’s very little on her, makes her easy to throw about” he replied.

Then why do you possibly require special harnesses to support her? I asked almost hesitantly but yet inquisitive for an answer at the same time from the Ulster Chess Unions answer to the Marquis de Sade.

“Why? …. Why!” he replied in an almost disbelieving tone that the question was ever needed to be asked. “So as I’d be right under her in the bed!” he emphatically added with a perplexed gaze, almost one of an asylum inmate staring at the doctor sure in the belief of his own contentment, and the doctor’s obvious insanity.

“Listen David I really think you’re confusing me with Calum Leitch or William McGratten or at the very least Ryan Giggs or Bill Clinton, now I have their numbers if you want, but I reckon they’d be useless with a compactor, but I tell you what, I have what you really need, I have the number of the Lagan Chess Club, they have more doctors than the City Hospital and I’m sure they could get you the professional help you so desperately need!”

Without hesitation he flung open the bedroom door and proudly boasted “well feast your eyes on her, isn’t she just absolutely heart-stoppingly gorgeous, you think how many guys would love to be coming home to something like that”

I could see nothing I was staring at the floor in acute embarrassment, it was horrendously awkward and I had no idea what to do or say, it was still manageable whilst David Conlon filled up he space of the bedroom doorway, but what would I do once he moved out of the way, there was no time to think he side stepped to reveal the huge four poster bed with satin sheets and .. and.. and a bicyle.

“It’s a bloody bike! I gasped.

“A bike!” he snapped

“A bike!, A bloody bike!” he repeated in utter exasperation

“The postman rides a bike, the trendy clowns of South Parade ride bikes, kids ride bikes, this is not a bike! This you uncouth philistine, is the Formula 1 of two wheeled self propelled transport! In the cat world it’s a cheetah, in the dog world it’s a greyhound, in the horse world it’s a Derby winner and in the aerospace world it’s a jet fighter”

“Yeah David” I said “but in the real world it’s a chain, two wheels, some metal and a drop of 3 in 1 oil with a load of WD40”

It’s a Bike

“She’s a Pinarello Dogma HM60.1K, she has a carbon-fibre asymmetrical frame design with arrow shaped seat post and tube, a specialized drive chain on an aerodynamically moulded carbon-fibre crank. It has carbon-fibre wheels with titanium support rods and customised forks, aerodynamic carbon-fibre one piece handlebar and stem with carbon and titanium levers and super alloy dual pivot brakes” the technical specs just rolled out of his mouth like a sales rep on coke “And I’ll tell you something else” he added “You don’t use 3 in 1 oil and WD40 on a piece of precision equipment such as this, this goddess is to be caressed and cared for and to have money lavished on her just to keep her sweet and lovely”

“Sorry my mistake David” I said “you are clearly so mesmerised by that contraption I’d lay a hefty wager that it’s not 3 in 1 oil and WD40 it gets treated to, but Baby-oil and music by UB40, so just out of interest how much money did you spend on it?”

“The four poster bed was a magic deal at £900” he answered.

“That £900 bed is really for that bike! Are you nuts Conlon?

“Of course it is, sure she’s worth much more than that you know” came the reply.

“That thing is more than 900 quid, nine hundred pounds! For a bike” I asked.

“More than £900, Damien that girl is worth £27,500 when she’s all dolled up”

“Twenty seven and a half thousand pounds on a push bike, twenty seven thousand five hundred smackers… you’re absolutely, completely, and utterly, friggen insane Conlon” I stated “what will your missus say when she finds out you’ve bought a four poster bed for the bike?” I added.

Don’t worry about my Ciara she’s a smashing wee lamb, and she knows I’m smart, sure I spend plenty on her and all. I just bought her a lovely watch and matching bracelet as a wee surprise. She was complaining about a lack of lighting in her study so I got her a very fashionable lamp, which came this morning in that box over there. Beside the lamp is another box with a new door-bell inside which I want you to fit later today as another wee surprise just for her, she’ll love it when she sees it on the door. It’s also our anniversary at the weekend and I got matching platinum rings also I got her a lovely new blue hat for a wedding I’m taking her to” he boasted with unlimited pride as he proudly displayed all the items to me.

The Bracelet

The New Lamp

The Watch

The Matching Rings

The New Front Door-bell

The Wedding Hat

“David has your missus seen any of these gifts yet?” I asked

“No not yet, as I said they are all surprises for the weekend for her, so what do you think?” he asked.

“What do I think? Well I think that they certainly will be surprises, and I think you urgently need to get out more, and I think.. no I’m 100% convinced that when your wife sees what you got for her there is no question that patio will be the only thing getting laid this weekend”

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World Championship 2012 Moscow

Anand v Gelfand

Commentary and analysis can be found here with a live stream from Friday..     http://www.anand-gelfand.com/commentators-for-the-world-chess-championship-match

All commentary from the above link will be in English, Dirk Jan ten Geuzdenda will be the main commentator, assisting him will be.

Nigel Short (on 11-12 May)

Jan Timman (on 14-15 May)

Joel Lautier (on 17 May)

Peter Svidler (on 18, 23-24 and 28 May)

Peter Leko (on 20-21 May)

Vladimir Kramnik (on 26 May).

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The Summer League

This years summer league kicked off in the Civil Service venue last night, the individual tournament played over 10-12 rounds is run by Mark Newman with Geoff Hindley as his co-conspirator (or trusty side-kick, delete as appropriate) both can be contacted through the secetary on UCU website.

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It is with great regret that the Ballynafeigh Chess Club announces the awful news of the untimely passing of young Fergus O’Neill who played for the Ballynafeigh Rascals. As nice a lad as one could ever wish to meet Fergus came to Ballynafeigh along with his friends and fellow competitors Karina Kruk and Matthew Chapman whom he had played with and against in the U.C.U school chess run by Mark Newman.

Constantly to be found with a smile on his face or a quick witted retort if required Fergus also possessed the ability to find humour in his own errors even when involved in a battle with one of nature’s cruelties. Our thoughts and sympathies are with the O’Neill family at this time.

Fergus O’Neill   June 1993 -  April 2012

Bryan Belshaw said: So sorry to hear about young Fergus O’Neill. Had the great pleasure to get to know him a couple of years back at the Ulster Championships, where he put up a great showing. Also had the priviledge of playing him online a few times. Thought he had the makings of a really good player with an excellent temperament. Thoughts and prayers to his family and friends at this awful time.

Steve Scannell said: I’m was very sorry to have heard of the passing of Fergus O’Neill.  He was a fine young man and a son that any parents would be proud of. I consider myself fortunate to have known him, he was the type of person appropriate of the sentiment…”It’s not what one has done in their lifetime, but the lives they have touched by their presence”.

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RAPID PLAY EVENT

Due to the success and popularity of the Rapid Play event staged at the Ballynafeigh Venue on Saturday 14th April we will be running similar events one Tuesday a month over the Summer

Time controls for the event will be 5 rounds of 30 minute games 15 minutes each player, entry fees will be £5 per player all monies distributed in prizes. This is a non UCU event and thus there are no concessions for any entrants.

You can register by emailing Belfastchess@hotmail.com or David McAlister or myself directly you can also use the comment box at the bottom of the page below or text or ring 07803361034 leaving your full name for registration

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Ulster Rapid-Play

Final Standings

It wasn’t quite the Ark but they still came two by two to register for the Ulster Rapid-Play hosted by the Ballynafeigh Chess Club, well two by two up until the point when Damien Lavery hit the doorway, if you were looking to get two of him in a gap you’d need to contact building control to check if the width of the span required needed special steel beams or not! It was quite a large turnout considering the date clashed with major televised sporting fixtures such as an F.A Cup semi-final, the Grand National, Rugby, and Premier League Football, but then again I suppose the opportunity to watch Lavery trying to negotiate a doorway which is only five and a half feet wide can be pretty entertaining also.

The tournament controller for the day struggled to enrol the multitude on the antiquated laptop supplied by the U.C.U which must have come out of the Ark. The touchpad mouse was so dysfunctional it resembled the actions and properties of an elastic band, when you let go is snapped back to its starting point, ah sometimes a chisel and an old tablet of stone isn’t such a bad idea, so with that in mind we did the next best thing and press-ganged Eileen Kruk famous for have a chiselled nose and a heart of stone into collecting names and fees from the attending horde, accompanied by Kruk the younger they went forth with their hit list, with a smile on one face and a frown on the other their success rate was exemplary.

The door flung open and in he swaggered, on his own, you don’t get two of him, a hush descended the room as the new emperor of Ulster Chess that “beast of the board” Michael Waters surveyed the room for his quota of victims. There were dozens to choose from but it was evident who his desired prey would be for the day, he sneered as he passed each one by, you could almost hear their hearts sink with the fear, where was Paddy Magee when we needed him, he may be diminutive on skill but he’s a colossus on heart, there’d be no quaking in Paddy’s boots, it wouldn’t matter if it was a Michael Waters and Klitschko brothers tag team nothing puts the frighteners on the Downpatrick man. The Ballynafeigh plumber was delighted, “well I didn’t take that sink out for nothing then” “shall I go down and leave it by his car” in a reference to the fact that it’s the only thing that emperor Michael hasn’t won this year.

The first round draw was made and it had a familiar ring to it, literally, on table six Callum Ormerod switched his phone off as instructed by the tournament controller before commencement of play; however in placing his phone back in his pocket it switched itself back on… yeah you guessed it “ring ring it’s for yooohooo” game over as the controller swooped to get a victim before Michael Waters did.

On table two the multiple Ulster Seniors Champion Steve Scannell was in an uncomfortable place against young Matthew Chapman which just seemed to deteriorate by the move, with his Queen en prise Scannel struck out along the b1 h7 file capturing a pawn with check on h7 turning his defence into attack! Brilliant outstanding, awesome, what a pity that there was a pawn in the middle of the board which Scannell hadn’t seen and his Bishop had actually jumped over it, Oh dear! Now I know that it wouldn’t be the first time a Bishop had a sneaky jump when no one was watching but the controller on the day was having none of it, perplexed just for a moment as he considered all possibilities of something he had missed he replaced the Bishop to its original square and informed Scannell who’s Queen was still en prise that “it was touch move and that he needed to move his Bishop”  the sound of a heart relocating to a mouth was audible but not as audible as the suppressed ecstatic cheering of his peers, one Queen trashed! Time can be a healer or a killer in Rapid-play chess, a lesson that Chapman was about to learn in Dolby stereo. As Chapman forced Scannell’s King to the side he left his pawns unguarded which Scannell marauding Bishop promptly ravaged. Scannell’s King forced to the a3 with Chapmans King on the c3 and Queen on the b4 check Scanell moved his King to a2 so as everyone watched expecting the delivery of mate with Qb2 Chapman stunned everyone with K c2… Scannell played Bf5 check and Chapman played Queen a4 mate… what a pity he was in check at the time! Oh dear! The controller replaced the Queen and Chapman instructed to stop the check by interposing the Queen on e4 when he did so Scannell captured the Queen and also covered the promotion square of h1 for Chapmans last pawn on h3 resulting in a drawn match, I must declare I haven’t seen so many Queens completely wasted at the same table since happy hour in the Kremlin nightclub. So it was heartache for young Matthew Chapman and an early playing of the “get out of jail free card” by Steve Scannell, when asked afterwards if he was just zoned out when he tried to turn his Bishop into a long range Knight Scannell replied “I got confused with the event” “You didn’t know it was rapid-play” he was asked “No man I knew it was a rapid-play, “Oh you forgot it was touch move then Steve” “Nah the Grand National is on today and I got all mixed up he replied”

Kremlin and Ballynafeigh both seen wasted Queens this week

The Grand National must have been responsible for the horsy theme becoming a bit of a feature for the day with David Seaby playing like a stallion and a player who shall remain nameless playing like a donkey, In fact so impressive was the stallion play of David Seaby that after his victory over Ormerod he went on to draw with Mallaghan, beat Gupta, had Lavery dead in the water before blundering, he should also have drawn Chapman, the tournament controller considered sending him for a drug test. We also had Adrian Dornford-Smith getting in on the equine act by sporting a pony-tail we had Geoff Hindley who’d due to be put out to pasture and of course the U.C.U also had a vet on standby in case we needed to put Des Mooreland down.

By the end of round four it was him again galloping away in front, James McDonnell was just the latest obstacle to be safely negotiated to maintain a healthy lead. It wasn’t to be a canter of a tournament for Waters though as he found out in round three when Mooreland was chomping at the bit to take a few sirloins out of his hide a full piece up and about to gain more material he forgot to bolt the stable door behind him and walked into a horrible back rank mate, it left Mooreland mucking out and there was a lot of muck to shift!  Waters had copied Scannell in using a get out of jail free card, the expression on Mooreland’s face and his demeanour after that game had the vet reaching for his little black bag with whetted lips. Round five paired Waters saddled with the favourite tag before commencement of play with Scannell, the winner of the tie destined to be on the home straight, they finished in a dead heat and thus shared the points and we moved to the final round with Waters leading by half a point from the chasing pack of Scannell McDonnell and Mooreland, all jockeying for position should the leader fall at the last. Scannell and Mooreland were well in front in their games and if they held on both would overtake Waters if he couldn’t hold Mallaghan on the top table, but Mallaghan wasn’t in the mood to be corralled by anyone as he stomped all over the board creating an unstoppable position requiring little or no defence whilst enjoying more attacking potential than Manchester United with Howard Webb refereeing! Waters was doomed his unbelievable run of form was about to end, he didn’t wear red socks after all… he wasn’t infallible!

Waters entering the room gave us a clue about his infallibility

Mooreland and Scannell both came over to watch, they had beaming smiles broader than Lavery’s arse as they watched Mallaghan gallop like a wild mustang all over Waters, it was awesome, it was invigorating, it was dynamic, it was stupefying, it was bizarre to watch the unfurling hee-haw moment from mustang to mule. That’s right Mallaghan managed to lose a position that to put in context a frontal lobotomy patient would find extremely difficult to replicate, he had just lost the kitchen sink.

“What!”  “he what”  “you’ve gotta be #&*&@# kidding me”  “No Steve Danny did lose” I replied, “what a dumb %$*&#@# useless #@%&*” he added “Goddaaam-it!” he snorted as he went over to check the final position to confirm the horror story. Waters was elated, yet another laurel to brandish, “lets go and celebrate” he implored his team-mate Ormerod, “I need to be aloft for the masses to revere me” “let us go to Errigle to be viewed” Ormerod agreed willingly he’s a big rugby fan and he was hoping the Errigle’s T.V system would be showing the game either in the lounge or the public bar. I headed up to the Errigle bar after clearing up to have a drink with the victor but he was nowhere to be seen, Callum Ormerod was there but no Michael Waters, “where is he?” I asked “dun no” came the reply “he hasn’t arrived yet, but he definitely said to go to Errigle that he was heading there now. We waited but he never did arrive, we really don’t know what happened to him, unless he didn’t mean the Errigle bar!

Tourists were surprised to see a man from Belfast on Mount Errigle with a kitchen sink

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Tournament Controller Found

The 2012 Ulster Rapid-Play tournament at Ballynafeigh on Saturday 14th April was in serious danger of not having a controller for the event until a last minute hijacking by the Ballynafeigh Chess Club of an unsuspecting victim for the post. Now whilst honesty integrity and computer experience are neccessary effiencey intelligence and organisational skills desirable, according to David McAlister it’s a pair of steel toe-capped boots that are absolutely vital in disputes!

No point in trying to slip this controller a fistful of Dollars on Saturday… as he’s banned from the U.S.A…..  Sterling Euros or lead of a church roof might do the trick though!

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Ulster Rapid Play

This Saturday Ballynafeigh Chess Club will be hosting the Ulster Rapid Play championship at their Ormeau Road venue. At this time I’m not in a position to link you to the UCU website for further information such as time controls, prizes, or tournament controller as the UCU web-masters seemed to be kept in  the dark by the ruling executive boards tournament directors. (poor show boys… poor show)

Irrespective to this the Ballynafeigh venue will be ready, the tables laid out, refreshments available and at least one charming host on site, all we need now is a few victims for Michael Waters on his way to yet another title, I’m assured by the Ballynafeigh plumber the kitchen sink will be uninstalled for Mr Waters so that he can take that away with him in the boot of his car, well he’s got everything else!

10.00 am start not 12 noon as previously stated

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Things To Remember

Many people in Belfast will be remembering the Titanic this week a colossus of a ship which met its end as it slipped away from view 100 years ago but I won’t be one of them. For me it was only a story of supreme failure about a botched cost cutting exercise that saw cheap rivets being incorporated in the outer structure of an ocean liner. That decision was disastrous enough on its own, but when added to a crew of ship-jumping ass-kissers, a lack of observation equipment and the criminal absence of sufficient lifeboats then it was corporate manslaughter, when the poor people the under class of society were padlocked in the lower decks whilst the affluent members of the passenger list ambled into the lifeboats at leisure well that was corporate murder.

I’ll be remembering another anniversary instead it was in the wee small hours this day five years ago that a colossus of Ulster Chess Tom Clarke slipped away from us forever also. But unlike a “big boat that couldn’t cross a pond” Tom would cross international time-zones to play in chess competitions playing in league chess in England, Finland, Wales, Leinster, and Ulster many a time he played for three different teams in three different leagues in the same week. Unlike the mass of corroded junk lying on an ocean floor that you’ll never see for yourself that Titanic left us, Toms games are forever with us and can be easily accessed on-line to watch and learn from over and over again, a true master class of “shock and awe” on the chess board. We all have our own personal memories of Tom and favourite games I’ve linked one of my favourite below and also a link to a few kind words from Tom’s old jousting partner Dave Houston who has added some of his favourites from over the years.

So if you’re reading Tom thanks for the memories and thanks for the games dear friend.

My Favourite  http://www.chessgames.com/perl/chessgame?gid=1268784

Dave’s favourites http://www.ulsterchess.org/archives/playerbio/Tom%20Clarke/tom-clarke-1959-2007

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Okay I was caught by an April-Fool

Your esteemed author was caught bang to rights by a cruel gut wrenching April-fool by that desperado of the Rascals Paddy Magee. Enjoy your moment in the limelight young Magee because an avenging angel is heading your way. What the subject of the cruel joke was will remain a secret for other reasons.

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Horrible just horrible

What a dreadful morning, the feelings are almost overpowering, I’m unable to eat the breakfast that I made as I sit here staring blankly at the piece of paper on my table in front of me. Even though I try to look away its unexplainable hypnotic hold draws my eyes back to stare in devastated bewilderment, the gut wrenching feeling of nausea is only deadened by the other feelings of emptiness sorrow bitterness loathing and disgust. I’ve seen enough, I’ve read enough, I know it won’t change no matter how often I look at it but I can’t help looking at the figures at the bottom of the page just one more time in the search for answers! And then there’s him that odious, viperous contemptible little man who unquestionably will be wringing his hands with sheer delight this morning having been the great deliverer of the utter devastation handed to me, I keep seeing him sitting there as smug as ever delirious at my torment, I’d love to bump into him in a dark alleyway one night oh the joys of a winters evening!  Two hundred and sixteen pounds thirty seven pence, two hundred and sixteen pounds and thirty seven pence! How in hells name did I use that much electric?

Thankfully I still have the wonderful memories of last nights chess season finale at Ballynafeigh to ease the pain of such an awful breakfast killer that ghastly postman insists on shoving through my letterbox on all too frequent occasions. It was a clash that would decide the destination of the league title that the two teams of Ballynafeigh Angels and Fisherwick had played hard for all season week in week out, only losing to each other in the process. As the co-ordinator for Ballynafeigh chess club I would love to tell you of an epic struggle or resolute battle, an ultra miniaturised version of Bastogne, Dien Bien Phu, Stalingrad, or Monte Cassino or a cavalier unabashed show of folly such as the Little Big Horn, Balaclava, Vinegar Hill or the Somme. Alas it was none of these it was just two very fine teams meeting in a mouth-watering showdown but unfortunately for Ballynafeigh Angels they were just outplayed on the night by a superior Fisherwick team who had one of those wonderful nights that teams will have now and then being exemplary on all the boards only having to yield shared spoils on boards 2 and 4 and deserving of their success on the remaining boards of 1 3 and 5.

So a hearty congratulations to the entire Fisherwick club on winning the Silver King Championship for another year and for your team effort over the entire season from all the players at Ballynafeigh Chess Club, just don’t get too attached to it boys we’ll be back for it next year! It was fabulous to see so many spectators turning up at the Ballynafeigh Club to watch the games unfold some travelling from Bangor and Downpatrick to sample the Champagne that Dennis Wilkinson provided for the evening how we managed to prise the bottle out of Patrick Magee’s hands I’ll never know. So it’s back up the Malone road for the Silver King and blue rosette and it’s back to the drawing board for the rest of us but with such a brilliant tussle for the title it should be celebrations for the entire chess league and not just to the victors from Fisherwick, as for me I’m off to get one of those black-boxes that are all the rage in Ballymurphy that turn the meter wheel backwards.

Ballynafeigh Chess Club toast Team Fisherwick

Dennis Wilkinson said: As a Fisherwick club member , I was very happy to see my club winning on the night to claim the Silver King, but slightly tempered by the disappointment Ballynafeigh must have felt having had the prize snatched away at the last moment. Many thanks for the warm welcome I recieved on my attendance. Damien you are a very fine captain and a player, no doubt you and your club will enjoy deserved success in the future, you have laid the foundations of a successful club, I wish you all well, it was good to see so many of my friends in the Ulster Chess community which was a very welcome diversion for me especially…Onwards and upwards, again thank you so much for an enjoyable evening!

Ballynafeighchess said: Ah Dennis you old smooth talker, at Ballynafeigh talk like that will get you everywhere, just look at Calum Leitch!

Owen Wilson said:   Eventually straggled up to Ballynafeigh from the backwoods of Donaghadee, by pony express, just to see this David & Goliath contest. Congratulations to both teams on a rousing encounter, a fitting and closely fought Finale to end the season. I definitely thought , when the cheerleaders arrived late…that this was a bad omen for B’feigh…did it put the jinx on the New Kids on the Block ??…
Was it just me imagining it, or did the body-language of the Fisherwick maestros exude a quiet confidence, while the B’feigh boyos seemed ever so slightly under the stress cosh…?
Nobody seemed to show this Ring of Confidence more than John Masterson did. Jaunty John seemed to have his game under such control that he was forever up and down , to peek at the other games. He definitely looked like a man destined to be awarded the Brilliancy award for his match…and, in fact, I gather he inflicted a rather superb mating sequence on young Calum Leitch.
The Cunningham v Ormerod attracted my considerable interest. Again, was I hearing things or did the bold Damien keep muttering to himself…”Roy Stafford…”Roy Stafford …you…” ..(.Couldn’t quite catch the rest..). However, the Fisherwick man seemed to play the more confident, tidier game and the I-just-hate-Roy Stafford – B’feigh man succumbed in the end. All in all, great entertainment all round. Well done to both teams.

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Along with Tea and Coffee Tonight We’ll also Serve Special Napkins, One for each board

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We had to hit the pause button in the Ballynafeigh Angels v Fisherwick title clash this Wednesday at the Ballynafeigh Community Development Centre on the Ormeau road, the game will now be played the following Wednesday 28th instead. The postponement was made to facilitate last minute team changes for Fisherwick as they tried everything to persuade players to play, we have the opposite situation at Ballynafeigh were everyone wants to play every week!

See…. and I’ll bet you all thought John Cairns was a wee softie.

Martin Kelly said: Do you mean someone is getting engaged?  Surely, he can’t be from Fisherwick (they’re too old,aren’t they?)? Maybe it’s Calum Leitch,altough the chances of that are “thin” very thin indeed, almost skinny!

John Bradley said: Will you be collecting money at the door (with GMs, IMs, and females get free entry)

Ballynafeighchess said: It’ll be free for everyone except Roy Stafford… he just has to pay for blotting my copy-book with a big black zero!

Dennis Wilkinson said: Looking forward to attending the big decider next week!

John McK said: My we are getting a fashionable crowd showing interest for next week.

Richard said: Danny’s chess is hard to watch, but I can always watch the others..

Ballynafeighchess said: Well that’s the first time I’ve ever heard the Grand-Prix attack described as “hard to watch” maybe you were talking from blacks perspective, well we’ll see in seven days time.

Paul McLoughlin said: Is there any betting for the match?

Karina Kruk said: Mum and I are coming, but we ain’t doing tea and dishes, get Gould for that.

David Conlon said: Will the trophy be presented to the winners on the night and more importantly will there be tea and coffee?

Ballynafeighchess said: Paul I don’t know you’d need to email Paddy-Power not us, Karina your mum seriously needs to get her glasses upgraded! David tea and coffee are a yes but I’ll need to contact John Cairns but that sounds like a good idea regarding the trophy presentation

Patrick Magee said: Tea and Coffee! what no Bush or Smirnoff? even an aul flagon of Cider wouldn’t go amiss.

Ballynafeighchess said: Afraid not Paddy…. we called Sam Flanagan in to be head-waiter of the refreshments table so it’ll be a Saharan evening… totally dry!

Owen Wilson said:  Ballynafeigh v Fisherwick…may the best team win…  Will there be champagne on ice…after the Match of the Year ?? In other words , will it be worth a body making the effort to trail up there…from the backwoods of Donaghadee ??

Ballynafeighchess said: Cheers Owen, good to hear from you, as for the champagne we would need to get the keys to David McAlisters wallet because this years budget is already gone and I’m already starting to spend some of next years balance sheet. But a match well worth travelling to see that’s for sure even from the champagne-free gold coast!

Dennis Wilkinson said: I’m bringing a bottle of champers,but its not that dear stuff Moet Chandon,,no matter who the eventual winners are,,i think both teams deserve congrats for taking it to the wire and some individual fine results,,congrats also to Rascals and Malone for doing so well too !!

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The Final Round

Well this is it, after fifteen matches only 1.5 pts separate the two heavy-weight sides of Ballynafeigh Angels and Fisherwick. They have both lost only once,  that was to each other in extremely tight contests as they slugged it out in their quest for the chance to hold aloft the Silver King. Next Wednesday at the Ballynafeigh club these to sides will meet again in the final confrontation of the season when the league title will be won or lost on the outcome of the match result.

Ballynafeigh Angels will be crowned champions if they manage to avoid defeat against Fisherwick as their slim points lead allows them the luxury of a draw for success. A mark of just how brilliantly these two sides have performed all season is the scenario that it is mathematically possible for the Angels to score over 90pts and fail to win the title! irrespective of the final outcome surely chess will be the overall winner if such close challenges become the bench mark for future league competitions.

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Easter Tournament in Dublin

A few players will be heading or planning to head to this tournament and would like to formalise arrangements with other U.C.U members similarly interested, you can state your interest by replying here.

Steven Eachus said: Hi I am thinking of going to the Easter tournament in Dublin e3e4. I was just wondering if anyone going or planning to go would like to share a lift or  room to cut down on expenses. I’m planning to stay in the hotel Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Hope to hear from someone soon
Cheers Steven (Magherafelt Chess Club)

Danny Mallaghan said: Gareth and I are going down on Thursday night and staying until Monday the Hotel are doing an offer Steven if you book 3 nights you get the 4th night free, if anyone has room in the car for 2 passengers heading back to Belfast on Monday We’d be very interested in helping with the petrol collection.

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Calum said:   What’s with the plethora of glum faces during the Williamson photo?? Had Damien Lavery taken his shirt off? Had a Sam Moore highlights reel been displayed on PowerPoint for 3 hours previous?

Ballynafeighchess said: Yeah you should see Gary Johnstons photo, something or someone scared the guy for sure

David said: Maybe someone told him that Matthew had got hold of his mobile number

John said: Looks like a re-run of the famous Vinney Jones squeeze on Paul Gascoigne

Something scared Gary and it wasn’t just Sam’s tee-shirt

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Waters Walks the Williamson

Whether you love him, just tolerate him, or are seriously contemplating the hiring of guys from the east side of Detroit, no one can deny the undoubted ability of Michael Waters over a chess board. Having largely resided in the shadows of Houston Clarke and Scannell over the years Michael Waters has underwent something of a renaissance and has surged to the front of the pecking order emphatically stamping his authority as the best player in Ulster bar none repeatedly in all competitions this year.

Already crowned Ulster Master this season Waters added the centenary Williamson Shield to his impressive and burgeoning chess CV and later this year will be attempting a hat-trick of wins in the Ulster Seniors at the Europa Hotel inBelfast.

At the Sinclair Pavilion in the Civil Service recreation grounds over the past weekend Waters went unbeaten lifting the Shield with 5 ½ out of 6 offering Danny Mallaghan a Grand Master draw in the final round to secure the title after Steve Scannell tried to force a dead draw situation against Waters in round 5 in an attempt to regain the lost ground from the traveling bye he took earlier that day and ended up losing instead. So the Waters chess juggernaut continues at full speed in the quest for more titles, as he becomes something of an overnight success after twenty years.

Some of the battling horde at the Williamson

It’s for Youoooo….

Two players were awarded instantaneous loses on the first day of the Williamson when their mobile phones went off in their pockets whilst playing. The first victim was none other than the Ulster Chess Unions director of tournaments Gareth Annsley who was playing against Ballynafeigh’s Matthew Chapman. Gareth reached down to quickly silence his phone with as little movement as possible, alas for Gareth he wasn’t as quick as tournament controller David McAlister who silenced Gareth’s chances with even less movement by stopping the clocks… game over, rumors that Matthew Chapman’s relative were seen outside the venue with mobile phones and a Ulster Chess Union contacts list are totally unfounded, Matthew assures us they all just happen to work for BT, O2 and Vodafone.

Once was careless enough but when it happened for a second time in the very next round to Mohammed Saad ten minutes after the tournament controller had specifically warned everybody, well that’s just the waste of an entry fee. Matthew Chapman was sitting right next to Mohammed Saad and the rumor mill and conspiracies circulated stories that Gareth Annsley was trying to ring Matthew to get his own back but rang the coat next door by mistake. It certainly didn’t stop Mohammed having a 5 minute conversation then sitting down to try and finish the match only to find the legal eagle had already swooped.

Matthew Chapman’s secret plan for the Ulster Junior title is discovered

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Rascals get cleaned by the Lagan

The Rascals came back down to earth with a bump this week after their high flying exerts in divisional qualifying and their subsequent performances in division two. They hosted Lagan their nieghbours from just up the river which would have been a tough ask at the best of times when one considers the talent available to the riverside club, but to do so with a depleted team after two player who were on call were called into work at the very last minute is just asking too much.

A flurry of phone calls and text messages which contained threats or bribes depending on the size or financial status of the recipient ensued, but all to no avail. The Carrickfergus call centre Eileen and Karina Kruk were busy raiding the content of their contacts list looking for suitable victims whilst mumbling instructions to one another in an ultra thick Carrickfergus accent which I can only describe as sounding like someone speaking with a Ballymena accent with a longer drawl whilst chewing sticky toffee.

Is that last number right? Asked Eileen Kruk, because I am through to somebody speaking what I can only describe as a variant of Swahili… 0795—— I knew the number as belonging to Paddy Magee, Swahili isn’t a natural language to him though he is proficiently fluent at it during prolonged visits to the pub, it looked like the Rascals were on for a scratch on board 5 for this one. Worse news was heading their way when the substitute for the substitute on board 4 had to withdraw due to his prison release date being 2019, well they’re not called the Rascals for nothing!

Karina Kruk gave John Nicholson an excellent game on board one being up a piece for a pawn, however her remaining pawn structure was seriously weakened and John Nicholson took full advantage of the situation when he corralled Kruks king in the centre with the ransom demand of the piece back for its eventual release and ultimately the game.

The Rascals board three for the evening was Robert Lavery and he was facing the “draw miester”  of Ulster Chess Sam Moore, but even the specialists can have an off day and Moore wasn’t able to enhance his reputation for shared spoils any further and had to be contented with a win instead.

Matthew Chapman played like the Rock of Gibraltar in his encounter with George Heathwood locking up all avenues of progress or potential for the Lagan man who was carrying a rating surplus over Chapman of 544. Though while the true worth of ratings in a trench warfare game of chess can be reduced to the point of meaningless, the experienced garnered on the journey to collecting those points is priceless. Heathwood bided his time and maneuvered his pieces to the required positions before sac’ing the exchange to obtain the vital break through into the opposition ranks, a text book example of breaking down a wall of resistance.

And that was that, the Rascals impressive and proud record of refusing to be whitewashed by vastly higher rated sides was ended but hopefully they’ll take away more from the match than their final scoreline.

Top Two Score Heavy

With the title chase coming to a close the two contenders for the Silver King trophy Ballynafeigh Angels and Fisherwick racked up big wins in their respective matches. Fisherwick ran out 4.5 – 0.5 winners against Bombardier and the Angels recorded the same score-line against Fisherwicks sister team of Malone.

In the Ballynafeigh Angels v Malone contest the Angels got off to a flyer when Malone’s Bernard Jaffa voluntarily impaled himself on both tusks of Cunningham’s elephant gambit, though to be fair it was Bernard’s first time seeing the gambit. Danny Mallaghan was next home for the Angels with the “extended Grand Prix attack” for the uninitiated the extended grand prix attack is the same as the grand prix attack only you have to find the longest possible way of winning, well that would be my interpretation of it after Mallaghan sent the black King on a seven day camel ride to A7 when he could have pinned it in with Rxh7 at anytime. Mallaghan excusing the delay said afterwards “I was looking for the smothered mate” Calum Leitch a team mate of Mallaghans said “if he’d blown that position I would have smothered him”

Leitch brought home the next win for the Angels on board three against Niel Green when he won out in a Knight and pawns versus Bishop and pawns endgame when the King positions were as usual everything, Leitch rapidly gaining a reputation for winning technical endgames this season. Dave Houston won out over honest Sam Flanagan in another tough game with the Malone number one, which can be viewed here on the Malone site http://malonechessteam.blogspot.com/2012/03/game.html The last game of the night turned into another technical affair when Steve Scannell turned a won position against Malones Dave Ruben into a drawn one when he traded Rooks prematurely in a rush for the bus. The clocks were stopped under the quick-play rule and the game was sent for arbitration to the league controller who happens to be Scannell’s team-mate and buddy who promptly ruled against him and in favour of his opponent Ruben’s claim of a draw, yeah with friends like that.

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100 Years of History

The Williamson Shield is available for collection next weekend folks all you have to do is pay your entry fee and turn up. Though whether or not you actually good enough to be victorious at the end of the tournament will really decide on what game you brought to the party if you’re planning on bringing your “A” game well then you’re probably aiming for the grading prize because the form that some people are in at the moment and the strength of the field being anticipated, I’m fairly confident that you will have to bring an A* game instead.

The trophy is abundantly decorated with a tapestry of the names of the finest players ever to play in this neck of the woods and in its one hundredth anniversary it would be great to see the entry list nicely bloated for a change, I’ll be there for certain along with quite a few from Ballynafeigh Chess Club. We can only hope our club mascot who is controlling the tournament next week will treat our players favourably in the draw, though a bribe may be required, now where did I leave those photos that have helped change his mind in the past!

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Angels 100% record goes out the window

Fisherwick brought in the big guns to go on an Angel hunt last night at their Chlorine gardens venue, the old warhorses of Woodfield and Devenny were put out to pasture for this clash with the Ballynafeigh Angels as Omerod  and Walls took hold of the reins in their place. Time restrictions on the opening hours force the chess club to start early at Fisherwick and Eamonn Walls the pin-up boy of Ulster chess was eager to finish his game with Leitch as early as possible, but Walls was only eager were as Leitch was positively enthusiastic about finishing early, well he must have been as he got his Queen trapped after only a dozen moves and resigned.  Cunningham last week now Leitch this week the Ballynafeigh Angels are rapidly gaining a reputation for getting rid of their Queens faster than Henry viii

Eamonn Walls practicing his worldly pose! 

The next result came from the top of the board order when Fisherwicks number one Michael Waters with black held the Angels board one Dave Houston to a draw, Houston’s bishop pair were of no advantage when Waters who has been as tight as a drum all season closed off the diagonals. Ballynafeigh Angels Steve Scannell returned the compliment with the black pieces against Fisherwicks Johnny Cairns another tough as teak performer from Chlorine gardens. Fisherwick were now in the driving seat with two draws and a win spread over the top three boards. The two remaining matches on boards 4&5 were not for the first time this season to deliver the bizarre twists and turns for the evening. Danny Mallaghan of Ballynafeigh, famed for having more draws than Wyatt Earp was pitched against John (muscles) Masterson, the Fisherwick board four was on a face saving exercise after his dumbbell’s hit the floor in his last encounter with the Angels. Masterson held a vastly superior position with the light square bishop on the A2-F7 diagonal, the H file cleared of pawns and his heavy artillery pieces of Queen and both Rooks loaded for the barrage of h7 and h8 with Mallaghan’s defensive forces completely out of position, things were looking dire in the extreme for the Ballynafeigh man and the Angels in general, the only saving grace was the absence of time from Mastersons clock as his flag began to hang. On board five Fisherwick had imported an anchor come bounty hunter in the shape of Calum Omerod to face the Ballynafeigh captain Damien Cunningham, again as expected another tight game ensued with Omerod holding a slight advantage after an earlier positional mistake by Cunningham. As the game moved towards its finality Cunningham made his ineffective Knight much more active and threatening to black’s position and material, he left his seat to go over to view his team-mates game on board 5 and could see instantly that Mallaghan’s position was totally lost as it was mate in one for Masterson, but time pressure let alone a pressure cooker of a match has its own way of adding ingredients to a mix and Masterson completely missed it, he’d completely fluffed a humongous position because of the clock and the importance of the match.

Fisherwick brought out the Big-Guns

Cunningham darted back to glance at the Mallaghan-Masterson clocks when he realized that Masterson had missed it, Mallaghan had twenty minutes, Masterson about twenty seconds, it was hard to guess on the antiquated analogue clocks that have undoubtedly exceeded their shelf-life in competitive chess. The material was about even, a Rook and four pawns each Mallaghan would walk it with so much time on his clock, he only had to let his clock run down to the 5 min Blitz zone and blitz the finish out, rather than give Masterson his opponent the much needed thinking time while he was compelled to write the move order down.  Cunningham returned to his own game and as he was sitting down he was informed that Mallaghan had won, so he offered his opponent a draw which was quickly accepted by Omerod it was Cunningham’s move and yep it was mate in one also! So interested in securing the perpetual position first to guarantee a drawn match and thus ultimately one hand on the Silver King, he hadn’t bothered to look for the mate once informed that Mallaghan had won. That was a serious error which was to be compounded by the news that Mallaghan was still playing out his match it wasn’t a win already as he was led to believe, and as fate would have it Masterson scrambled a draw and the Angels had their wings clipped for the first time this season, but more importantly at a critical time in the Championship run-in.

The final position of the Cunningham v Omerod game, were Cunningham offered a draw when he could have check-mated!

At the same venue it was good to see the Malone team return to full strength for their match against Bombardier, either honest Sam Flanagan has preached them all a sermon or the AWOL members purchased grow bags from B&Q and sat in them until they grew a pair. Either way testicular fortitude was in abundance again for Malone as they handed out a stiff beating to the airmen with the full compliment of players, which did not go unnoticed by the Ballynafeigh player present and indeed was openly commented upon. They’ll now be expected to field a stronger team against their sister team Fisherwick next time around instead of the last attempt.

Gossip abound this week that Gareth Annsley was left high and dry by his driver for the evening in Magherafelt. Annsley who was charged for his share of the petrol money was aghast to learn that his team mate driver who was demolished quite early in his own game just upped and left without a by your leave or kiss my ass. Thankfully for Annsley fellow team player John Monaghan who had a full car as it was managed to squeeze Gareth’s ample physique into the packed fait 500 with lots of pushing and shoving a shoe horn and copious quantities of lubricant! Though what Peter Wilson of Magherafelt was doing with a gallon and a half of super-slip lubricant in his hover-sack is a question for another day.

John Monaghan struggles to get the RVH team home

John said his work on the Ferry’s helped

and his experience as a bus driver was invaluable 

But it was his years on the trains that really made the difference

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They’re at it again this Wednesday

The match the second in a series of three this season will take place in  the Fisherwick chess club 22nd February with a 7.20pm start. Fisherwick will be fully primed to erase the memory of the last meeting between themselves and fellow Silver King title chasers Ballynafeigh Angels which ended with an unfairly slanted scoreline 4 - 1 in favour of the Angels

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Cunningham Defeated!

Cunningham visited the blunder factory yesterday and took possession of the state of the art, top of the range, de-lux model with a built in sick-bag. The Ballynafeigh captain sat shell-shocked after the mother of all disasters as the images of his 100% record disappearing down the toilet courtesy of Roy Stafford replayed in his head over and over again.

Thankfully for the Ballynafeigh town-crier and the Angels team as a whole his team mates pulled his backside out of the fire by winning three and drawing one of the remaining four games to secure their twelfth consecutive victory but left his reputation still in the embers to smolder away for entertainment purposes. The Angels went on to win 3.5 to 1.5 with wins on the first three boards from Houston Scannell and Leitch, whilst Mallaghan did the Sam Moore impersonation and drew.

Cunningham’s team mates were extremely supportive after the match when his unimaginable blunder was analysed.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oq71LK2SXuw

Karina Kruk was given the opportunity to play board 1 for the Ballynafeigh Rascals last night as a present for her mum Eileen who was celebrating her ***^th birthday watching the Rascals in their quest for even greater accolades, if such a thing was possible. So as mum sat there munching her way merrily through birthday cake, Cadbury’s cream eggs and anything with a soft centre, daughter also sat there nibbling but this time it was at Whiteside’s soft centre and pawn structure before finally agreeing to a well deserved draw.

Gould also held for a draw with Wilson on board 2 and David Conlon’s rich vein of form continued when he held the laurels in his match with Kevin Agnew, though Agnew later claimed that it was the thoughts of Eileen Kruk lighting the candles on her birthday cake that seriously alarmed him, “she’s not going to try and light that thing? Surely not! It couldn’t be safe, not that many candles!” ” Why it looks like a forest-fire in waiting, I’d better call the son for a lift ”  Oh is your son a taxi driver Kevin? I asked ” No he’s a bloody fireman” came the reply.

Eileen Kruk lights the candles on her birthday cake

Groomsport managed to strike back with a Rogers win over Lavery on board 3 but it wasn’t enough as over on board 5 the most bizarre game unfolded as Paddy Magee exchanged a Bishop, Rook, Knight and three pawns for .. err .. um.. well for nothing actually, he dropped the lot for free… there was no compensation whatsoever! So I must admit I stopped watching the game for a while as I considered it totally lost, but at the end I passed by again and lo and behold Magee had a Rook and Bishop and not one but three queens on the board while his opponent had a King and Pawn, either Johnston was also petrified of the possible Kruk bonfire or Magee has offered him a bribe. So the Rascals continued their run of fine performances with yet another win over a higher ranked team with their 3-2 win over Groomsport.

Speaking of bribes or underhand shenanigans what’s happening up the road at Fisherwick has the entire platoon that made up the magnificent Kelly’s hero’s deserted or been drummed out of the army? What happened to the wonderfully strong team that was present for the game against the Ballynafeigh Angels last Wednesday? In fact what happened to just a team guys? Turning up with just three men to face you sister team Fisherwick isn’t very clever, but well done to the three players who did make the commitment for the team; those men were Flanagan Ruben and Kelly, the others could do with finding a mirror to have a look in.

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Steve Scannell said.. Well done to the Mighty Rascals! Go Team Go!!!

Patrick Magee said.. Where’s your Manny Pacquaio smart-alec remarks now eh?

Ballynafeighchess said.. Ooh we are getting all uppity now Mr Magee, aren’t we?

Ballynafeighchess said.. Here’s my prediction for you next week against Groomsport, oh and that’ll be Richard and Robert helping you get back to the car                                             http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bkj0HcALwHo&feature=endscreen

Robert Lavery said.. Yeah it was a great result, obviously Karina is a scud

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Rascals go Ankle Biting

News coming through of a fantastic win for the Ballynafeigh Rascals down in Bangor last night, coming home with a 4-1 victory under their belts. Having worked so hard all season long even when things were going against them to make it into the second division, these upstarts are determined to show that they fully deserved of their place there, and personally I’m absolutely delighted for each and everyone of them.

Wins for Gould, Magee, Conlon and Lavery delivered an emphatic win and sent a clear message that they intend to have a real go at all opposition irrespective of presumed abilities.  This is mightily encouraging compared to the defeatist attitude being openly displayed by a certain player in the first division who only wants to play lesser players that he can beat in a lower division.

An absolutely mind-boggling stance and we at Ballynafeigh wouldn’t have players like that about the place for fear that the wee Rascals would have them in a kangaroo court for blasphemy faster than Sam Moore could agree a draw. However we at Ballynafeigh also respect player’s rights to anonymity so we will not be identifying them by name either.

We said we wouldn’t name him.. 

Phase 2 under way

The second phase got under way this week with heavy wins for the two main protagonist in the title chase Fisherwick and Ballynafeigh Angels.

Fisherwick traveled over to Bombardiers club-house and came away with three wins and two draws and thus a very healthy 4-1 score-line probably hoping that such a performance would enable them to close the gap on the current league leaders from over the river. However the Ballynafeigh Angels have been dashing hopes all season and continued in the same vein last night against Fisherwicks sister team Malone.

Malone’s line up last night was the strongest they have fielded this season so far with Sam Flanagan, Graham McCormack, Neil Green, Dave Ruben and John Bryars but Ballynafeigh Angels have been in awesome form so much so that neither David McAlister or John McKenna have got a game this season and Damien Lavery is having a major problem ousting Cunningham from the line up to regain his place on the team, the Ballynafeigh captain justifying his place with 10 wins from 10 starts.

Cunningham got the Angels off and running for the tenth time this season with another sub 60 min game ignoring the normal rules of chess of caution position and tactics delivered with patience, in favour of carnage bloodlust and mayhem delivered with gay abandon, a trait which has become his modus operandi.

In this position the game continued

9.      Bb5 — axB
10.    axb — RxR
11.    bxQ — RxN
12.    c7 — Nf6
13.   Qd3 — Be7
14.   Qb5* — Nd7
15.   Qa4 — o-o
16.   Qa2 — RxB
17.   RxR — Nc5
18.   Qc4 — e5

From this position the game continued

19. b4 — Na6
20. b5 — Nc5
21. Ra1 — Be3
22. Qe2 — Rc8
23. b6 — Bd7
24. c4 — Be6
25. Ra7 — Bd7
26. Qa2 — g6
27. Ra8 — Kg7
28. RxR — BxR
29. Qa8

Next to finish was Steve Scannell already the exchange up he went on to win his match with Graham McCormack with a nice combinational sequence involving rooks bishops and queens, McCormack lined up a cheap checkmate on g7 to steal the game from Scannell but not even the Pink-Panther was stealing this one from Scannell his awareness avoided the danger and won a piece outright 2-0 to the Angels.  On board 4 Danny Mallaghan and Neil Green matched each other throughout and eventually shook hands on a dead draw.

The next result to confirm the Angels as victors on the evening and league leaders with 11 straight wins came from the Angels chairman of the boards Dave Houston who out maneuvered Malone’s Sam Flanagan when both arrived at this position with black to play

The game continued

26.    …       —   Nc4
27.    Nxc4 —   Qxf5
28.    Nxd6 —  Qxa5
29.    Nxc8 —   Rxc8
30.    Rxc7 —   Ne6
31.    Ra7    –  Qe5
32.    Qxa6 –

The Angels now led 3.5 – o.5 with the Leitch Ruben encounter still undecided but again  it was the past pawn that was to prove the Achilles heel for the Malone team as Ruben strained to halt the Leitch square and space grab. At one point it must have been very stressful as Ruben bizarrely stopped the clocks with a minute left on his clock whilst he studied the position for 20-30 secs before moving then restarting the clocks! the gathered audience of Houston, Magee, Flanagan, Cunningham, Green, McCormack and Scannell all looked at each other in puzzlement totally perplexed as to what was happening. The completely flummoxed look on Leitch’s face confirmed that he was at a loss to explain it also, but to be fair to Leitch he ignored it and continued to finish what he started by queening a move after his opponent did but had cleverly positioned his King previously with foresight so that if his opponent tried to check him on either the diagonal or the vertical files then Leitch could interpose his Queen with a counter check forcing the exchange of Queens leaving Leitch with a Knight and three pawns against 4 badly placed pawns, Ruben resigned officially this time giving the Ballynafeigh Angels a winning margin of 4.5 – 0.5

Up at the RVH club the twin sisters of RVH 1 (Ravens) and RVH 2 (Hendersons) faced off against each other in the 3^rd division tussle both desperate to avoid the honor of the wooden spoon. The RVH 1 (Ravens) promptly spanked their sibling outfit RVH 2 (Hendersons) 4.5 – 0.5 with wins for Holmes Monaghan Carrothers and Logan letting them know that when it comes to sisters there’s only room for one Daddy. When asked afterwards was he surprised to win so easy the ravens captain Paul Logan said “listen I was on holidays the last time we played otherwise it would have been another good thrashing for them, the Ravens are a collection of finely tuned athletes, I mean just look at Frank Carrothers and Michael Holmes, the result was never in doubt”

Who’s the Daddy

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Why we should all be Rascals

There’s a lot of pride rushing through the veins of the Ballynafeigh Rascals and quite rightly so after their quite impressive showing in the 1^st phase of the Silver King Championship. The Rascals have the lowest combined rating in the U.C.U yet they finished above not one but three higher ranking teams, yet in the league they lost more games than both the RVH teams. How was this possible? Well it’s all down to the reason why I love the Rascals and why we should all strive to be just like them, enthusiasm!

It’s the burning desire to compete that makes Karina Kruk and Matthew Chapman two of the most prolific attendants of tournament chess in the entire U.C.U The reason why Robert Lavery has went from an unused bit part player with less confidence than a Blackburn fan, to a resilient defender with a love for counter attack and who now fears absolutely nobody.

Karina and Matthew check the fixture list

It is the same zealous drive that makes David Conlon seek out Grand Master simuls in Dublin and whisk his Argentine catwalk girlfriend off to chess festivals from Belfast to Bunratty and Cornwall to Cork in his private helicopter.

The reason why Patrick Magee who has been chinned more times this season than a Manny Pacquaio opponent and yet he is still the first to email, text, or phone enquiring about the who where and when of his next opponent. It is the drive to never give up to compete to the last and to give the maximum for each other, to ensure that even though on occasions they were humbled they were never humiliated that has befitted them as a team, and they scored points in every single match they played, because they are very much in love with chess and lust of competition.

It’s a romance for the game that many of us could do with rekindling in our hearts and swelling the entry lists at the upcoming tournaments, besides women love a Rascal, who knows you may get lucky like the Ballynafeigh Rascal David Conlon.

David Conlon’s guest at Bunratty

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Clear Skies for Bombardier

Lagan played host to Groomsport last night to not only fulfill a rearranged fixture from week three, but to decide the final placing for division one. The riverside team needed to defeat their seaside guests by a margin of 4-1 or better to progress to the top section and shooting down the Bombardier outfit in the process with the last burst of action.

Any analytical observation of the comparative strengths of the two opposing teams for this encounter beforehand could only foresee Lagan achieving their objective, a full strength team from Lagan would see an 1800 player on board five, a full strength Groomsport team couldn’t put an 1800 player on board one.  However Lagan haven’t been in full flow at all this season and have struggled repeatedly against opposition that normally it would swamp, if Lagan were expecting to drown Groomsport in a tsunami of ratings alone they certainly had the reservoir to do it, the question would remain would Groomsport be wearing bathing costumes or not?

Chris Kelly said he was shocked when the Groomsport team arrived to play, “that’s not right” said Chris “that’s not on” he added

Sorry wrong photo above, Chris is right smoking is not allowed at the chess table 

The seaside men brought their grit with them by the bucket full and the hardy old barnacles of Whiteside and Rogers claimed a win and a draw respectively to leave Lagan’s divisional chances completely washed up. The win by Gary Johnston over William Storey on board 5 not only guaranteed Groomsport a draw but surely must have rubbed salt into the wound for Lagan. While it would be easy to say on this result that the riverside team of Lagan are starting to become a bit watery, a fairer conclusion would be to say that Groomsport have more than shown that it’s not just their beaches that have a lot of sand and they were going to shove Lagan’s faces in it.

Lagan get their faces shoved in the Sand

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Do You Want Divorced?

Nigel short is performing a Simul in Dublin at the very affordable rate of €25 there will also be an invite to a lecture by Short for the added fee of a mere €10 more.

Now before you whip out the credit card and sign up to a double short that isn’t in a glass, just remember that the Simul will take place on the 14^th February.

That particular date may mean sweet F A multiplied by five to most of you male chess players but to your women folk well, that’s not just one of the 365 days a year that’s she’s right, special, and beautiful…. but that’s one of the days of the year that has been specially allocated to you  just to remember it.

Still 35 euro seems mightily affordable for Short treatment and besides how long could a tantrum huff last for without the aide of an interfering sister?

Danny Mallaghan the Ulster Chess Unions resident playboy of the western world said “they should impersonate men and just go, if the partner complains they should impersonate Manny Pacquiano”

19:00 on Tuesday 14 February in Wynn’s Hotel, O’Connell Street, Dublin. 

Email to book your place or by phone: 086-824-9736

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That Time Of The Year Again

The league controller prepares for separation

Bombardier aren’t the only team looking over their shoulder RVH 2 (Henderson’s) are sitting ugly on the edge of the bottom division after last nights thumping, residency there will be a certainty if the Ballynafeigh Rascals achieve a draw at Bangor.

This would be a cruel body blow for the once mighty RVH chess club who already have a sister team rooted to the bottom of the league table. To have both teams in the bottom section can only be explained by poor choices of direction, this must serve as a wake up call for other clubs unaware of how easy it is to fall from grace.

The RVH Hendersons look nervous

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New Ratings List Guys

But hey listen! don’t bother checking the new one if you know your old one…. Because they never change anyway.

The UCU  new 5 year plan for ratings

Two examples worth noting are the 983 rated Justa Tryer who defeated Michael Adams once, Gary Kasparov twice, Nigel Short twice and also had two draws and three wins against Magnus Carlsen, slaughtered over a dozen titled players in sub 20 moves and was never defeated for the season….. awesome His new rating went up to the dizzy heights of 997

By contrast the 2450 rated  A.Funnel  lost every game this season to players ranging from 840-1231 though the exception was the two games against an intoxicated chimp from Belfast Zoo which he managed to draw by perpetual bananas. The grader punished him by collapsing his rating way down to 2448.

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1,000  a week

A grand a week is not to be sniffed at, now I know most of you are thinking that’s just loose change to the legal eagles McAlister and Waters and a mere trifle to Vegas Dan Mallaghan the playboy of Ulster chess, but I’m not talking money.

The Ballynafeigh website get 1,000 hits a week which is quite simply a staggering amount of views for a chess club, even if you allow for the majority of clicks from libel lawyers acting for Michael Waters it’s still quite an impressive figure.

David McAlister spring cleans his garage

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Angels -v- Fisherwick Trilogy (part 1)

Ballynafeigh Angels played hosts to Fisherwick this week in what would only be the first of a trio of encounters in the clash of these title contenders.

The quality of the match was underlined by the sheer quota of championship titles held by the players involved, Irish championships Ulster championships, Williamson Shields holders, Ulster Blitz champions and believe it or not a European and World War Games champion thrown in for good measure, perhaps some of these guys were planning to go to war over the chess board after all, and if they did, well I just hoped they’d all remember that I was a conscientious objector.

Michael “the Mexican” Waters entered the room furiously waving away the autograph hunters that had gathered at the front door for the match. Well I thought to myself that’s a very modest thing to do, I was impressed by him letting those kids with the sheets of paper and pens know that he didn’t consider himself superior to them in anyway shape or form. However I subsequently found out afterwards they were actually a few kids with sponsorship forms for a charity bicycle race.

As he approached me I noticed he had ditched his trademark handlebar moustache that along with his swarthy complexion had made him the envy of the local Chiquito restaurant waiters. “Michael” I asked, “have you shaved off your moustache because of the attention your Pancho Villa looks has been getting on our website?” “Don’t flatter yourself or your website, it’s because of the sheer number of women asking me for a phone number, that’s why I had to get rid of it”

“Wow most guys would be absolutely cock-a-hoop to have women approach them in the street and ask for a telephone number” I said.

“Yeah but it wasn’t my number they were looking was it, they thought I was one of the guys from the 118-118 ad” he snapped.

The Date with 8 approached and everyone got comfortable in their seats for the eagerly awaited clash, as the games got under way through the opening phases and into the middle game it was obvious just how much effort and concentration was being expended in each individual game.

Cunningham who does a wonderful non stop jack-in-the-box impersonation in almost every match he plays hardly shifted his arse the whole night as he tried to counteract any advances by Ian Woodfield on board 5, Woodfield who lectures in music wouldn’t have needed any of his students to tell him that the bugles were sounding the last post when his counter-play attempts on the “H” file were thwarted by Cunningham who held the centre and the better pawn structure. The last roll of the dice for the Fisherwick man was an attempt at a pawn grab, but it was just too sluggish to obtain equality in material, or to stop Cunningham’s rapid advance on the “G” file and Ballynafeigh banked their first point.

Woodfield -v- Cunningham

The game continued

…..         Ke6
Rxa5     g5
Rxc5     g4
fxg         fxg
Rc6       Kf5
Rh6       g3
Rh1       Kg4  and the advance was unstoppable   Resigns   0-1

The board 3 encounter between John “Muscles” Masterson the fittest man in Fisherwick  and Ballynafeigh’s Calum Leitch the thinnest man this side of the Ethiopian border was the next game to come to a conclusion.

Not quite the muscles from Brussels but confident he can beat Leitch in an arm wrestle

Masterson was sitting there smiling merrily whilst pumping iron all over the board when Leitch unleashed a combination which brought two thudding sounds from Masterson chair; we all looked down and were able to clearly see his dumbbells rolling on the floor, the Ballynafeigh Angels were unfurling their wings with a 2-0 lead.

The game continued 

hxg6 fxg6
Ng3 b4
axb4 Bxb4
Qd3 Qa5
Kd2 Nf5
Qf3 Nd6!
Bd3 Bxc3… Resigns    0-1

On board 4 Danny Mallaghan had white and deployed his Bishop c4 Grand prix attack against former Irish Champion Ray Devenny, Mallaghan readily admits to being fortunate in this encounter with Devenny as Ray gave up the exchange temporarily in order to regain it at a later stage. Mallaghan stated “it was deep and it was clever, and I only just seen it at the last moment” Mallaghan went on to position his material which enabled him to play “rookery on the 7^th” and Ballynafeigh Angels were in 7^th heaven with a 3-0 lead and a guaranteed victory over their closest rivals whilst also maintained their 100% record in the league so far.

Mallaghan knew Ray was looking for deep positions when he turned up in a new suit

All eyes now fixed on board 2 where the Angels Steve Scannell an American red-neck “blow-in” from deliverance country faced the great J.C of Fisherwick.

Any cursory glances of this board by lesser players as it approached the endgame would have left the viewer with the unshakable impression that victory for Scannell was a mere formality, a given in fact.

With his bishop and four pawns on the kingside against Cairn’s knight and solitary queenside pawn on the A file Scannell held a gargantuan advantage in material and potential, Scannell also had 14 minutes to Cairns 34 sec’s … it really should have been ABC chess for the multiple Ulster champion. However nothing is elementary at this level and the Fisherwick captain John J.C Cairns showed why he’s rated 2,000 plus by playing remarkable chess under the circumstances, he had enormous pressure to add respectability to the match score, he only had a miniscule time allocation, and he had an audience ogling his every movement.  The situation required more than just a little miracle working by the great J.C and to be fair the moves he found and in the correct order was nothing short of impressive.

John Cairns goes for a walk

There were a few loaves in my shopping bags in the corner but I was contemplating nipping down to the shops to buy a few fish and get J.C to feed the multitude again, I really couldn’t believe it, either way at the end of this game one of these guys were going to be doing something with fishes, either J.C feeding with them or Steve Scannell sleeping with them!

His names Scannell

Thankfully Steve Scannell got to sleep under a duvet that night and I was able to remain a committed atheist thank god, and the Angels took a 4-0 lead.

The board one pairing pitched Ballynafeigh’s Dave Houston the highest rated player in Ulster against Fisherwick’s Michael Waters the reigning Ulster champion and the game proved to be worthy of the pairing.

Houston desperately sought to create a positional placement that would lead to the trading of queens to leave his knight and advanced central 5^th rank passed pawn with an indisputable advantage, however Waters is without question the man to beat in Ulster Chess at the moment having racked up a sequence of titles lately and intelligently avoided all the engineered pitfalls and traps that Houston had crafted for his worthy opponent.

Houston tried to make Waters  comfortable

As Houston’s time diminished on the clock so also did his opportunities on the board to salvage something from this impressive game. Fisherwick had pulled one back courtesy of Michael Waters their “heavy hitting” board one and in doing so he saddled Ballynafeigh’s Houston with the unwanted honor of being the first Angel player to suffer a defeat this season.

The game continued

33. Re1 gxf6
34. Qg3+ Kh8
35. exf6 Rxe1+
36. Qxe1 Qe6
37. Qf2 Qe5
38. Qh4 h5
39. Bg5 Qe2
40. Kh1 Kh7
41. Bf4 Ne6
42. Qg3 c4
43. Be5 Qe4
44. h4 and Waters went on to hold a decisive advantage 1-0

The Fisherwick men left for their homeward journey with very little from a match that they had contributed so much to. Outside it took some time for them to get Michael Waters into the car as his head just wouldn’t fit in the door opening, no matter how hard they pushed and shoved they couldn’t get him in, it wasn’t that his head had got bigger after humbling the great Dave Houston, it was simply that he was still wearing his sombrero.

John Cairns didn’t get into the car at all, and was last seen trying to walk home across the river Lagan! shouting “leave me alone guys I can do this I can do this”, though some observers claim that he wasn’t trying to walk the Lagan, but to throw himself in instead after the 4-1 defeat, either way glug glug Johnny.

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It’s Happening This Wednesday

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Fisherwick narrow the gap

Title chasers Fisherwick took a trip to the seaside last night and even though they forgot to bring their buckets they still remembered to bring their spades and promptly filled their boots instead with a 5-0 win.

It was a fitting reward for Fisherwick who showed exemplary generosity in not only rearranging the fixture which was due to take place on Wednesday at Fisherwick’s venue to the more suitable time of Thursday for the Groomsport team, but also in actually travelling to Groomsport to play the match and still allowing the Groomsport outfit to keep white on boards 1, 3, and 5.

So a round of applause for Fisherwicks result and an even bigger one for their thoughtfulness.

A big hand for the Fisherwick club

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Three Way Battle

There’s a fantastic struggle going on in the league at the moment between Malone Lagan and Bombardier as the three of them slug it out for the two remaining positions in the Division 1 section as the separation phase approaches.

Malone lead the way on a brilliant 37 points as they punched above their weight in match after match all season racking up an impressive tally so far.

But while Malone have the points in the bank both Bombardier and Lagan have games in hand against weaker opposition, undoubtedly now the fate of the three will be decided in the impending head to heads between Lagan and Malone in week 10 and then the final week pairing of Malone and Bombardier at the Malone road venue on week 11.

Now I wouldn’t be one to spread idle gossip but apparently spies are being sent to Bangor chess club tonight to see how Bombardier fare against the seaside team. Whether Bombardier end up on “Treasure Island” or a watery grave in “Davy Jones locker” only time or the Malone spy will tell.

Sam Flanagan 009 licence to spy

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One for the film buffs ….

This film has something in common with each and every member of the Ballynafeigh Angels team and not just the team itself, who have maintained a ruthless and relentless pace in their pursuit of the Silver King with eight victories from eight matches.

“Whilst any answer pertaining to the fact that both the film and the team prominently feature several horses asses may technically be correct, it really isn’t the answer we’re looking for.”

David says: The film must be my fair lady then!                                                                Ballynafeighchess says: What are you implying David?

Richard says: It’s the Alamo cos the mexican is coming for your lot next wednesday.       Ballynafeighchess says: oooh get back to Fisherwick you traitor!

Damien Lavery says: They have same title same ….. The Undefeated  Ballynafeighchess says: Well done the correct answer

paul says: J Mckenna Steven Scanell and Danny Mallon all look like they got scalped for the movie

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Ulster Blitz Championship

The first official Ulster Blitz Championship took place on Dec 27^th in the Belfast Boat Club, whether or not the format was a just a little to quick for some our of the more silver-headed if not sloth-like members of Ulster Chess only future attendances in the new tournament will tell.

The younger elements of Ulster Chess were more than eager to contradict George Bernard Shaw’s utterance “the trouble with youth is that it’s wasted on the young” displaying great enthusiasm and dedication for chess to even contemplate sharing an enclosed space with Damien Lavery without the aid of prescription anti-depressants.

There was also three sets of brothers entered for the event which surely must be a first for any tournament ever run in Belfast, there was the Robbin brothers Kiran and Kevin from Inst, the Logan brothers Paul and Charlie from the RVH and the Lavery brothers Damien and Robert from Ballynafeigh.

The tournament suffered a few early losses in attendances due to exceptional circumstances, well it was exceptionally poor reading actually, as Paddy Magee and Martin Kelly thought it was the Ulster “Blitzed” Championship and were last seen guzzling whiskey watered down with vodka on a bender in the Crown bar whilst arguing like crazy men over who was the best “blitzed” champion of all time, was it Higgy or was it Besty?

Our illustrious leader, our very own “Dear Leader” was arbiter general for the great event and quite brilliantly and creatively brought a camera crew along to film many of the matches for release at a later date on you-tube, though if any real chess players view them they’ll probably get flagged as offensive. Many of the field were more than willing to participate for the small screen, for their personal 15 minutes of fame (well their 3mins with a 2 sec increment of fame) indeed a few positively relished the opportunity. Paul Logan spent ten minutes combing his hair before his appearance on the famous camera crew board and nobody had the heart to tell him it was only the boards and pieces that were being filmed not the players.

When the camera crew first arrived at the Belfast Boat Club they happened to come through reception area at the same time as Mark Newman and Damien Lavery rumors soon abounded the club that the Hairy Bikers were doing their Christmas cook-in.

The Hairy Bikers were seen doing their Christmas special

However that idea was soon quashed when it became apparent to even a casual glance that they don’t make motorbikes with a heavy enough suspension to support either Lavery or Newman let alone both and that they were probably one of the Sumo wrestling teams based in Belfast in training for the 2012 Olympics.

Lavery and Newman get to the endgame

Dear Leader John Cairns…. or J.C as he likes to known to his disciples got the tournament got under way at ten sharp, or as far away from eleven as possible after a short delay as he took delivery of a few threats from the Carrickfergus toughies demanding an easy draw for Karina Kruk who had taken the day off from her part-time job of dispatching veal calves with a bolt gun in the Carrickfergus abattoir. The problem for the great J.C was he’d also taken delivery of a cash bribe from Arron McAuley for the same thing, thankfully the need for a minor miracle was avoided after some divine intervention, well a smaller than expected field turned it into an all play all event.

John Cairns goes for a walk

John Bradley’s grandson Alan Burns a great supporter of Ulster chess made an appearance for the event as he does with many UCU organized events. Alan is one of the loveliest people you could ever wish to meet either inside or outside of chess, complimentary in defeat magnanimous in victory Alan can light a room up just by entering it, in stark contrast to his grandfather John Bradley who couldn’t light a room up with a gallon of 4star and a Zippo lighter.

Alan Burns, John Bradley’s great grandson

Once the tournament started the “Chess kids” were out the traps faster than a greyhound on steroids and moved with the speed of white lightening down a well greased copper pole, compared to the ponderous alpine glacier speed of Cunningham and Logan it was a contrast to behold.

After watching the cutting edge of “The Boy Upstarts” laying waste to many of David Seaby’s peers the valiant David was reduced to prayer for spiritual guidance for his own daunting encounter with “Team Robbin” the result may prove that Prof. Richard Dawkins has a point, he certainly had one more than David Seaby had after the game.

David Seaby prays for help before his game with team Robbin

An anorexic looking Calum Leitch giving the impression he hadn’t seen a good meal in years was prominent on the leader board throughout the event after a turgid draw with Damien Lavery who looked like he hadn’t missed a good meal at anytime.

Calum Leitch put his victory down to a diet of watercress sandwiches without the bread

Leitch also benefited from the unnaturally slow play of his Ballynafeigh team mate Cunningham who completely and utterly outplayed him holding an indisputable won position before bizarrely letting his clock run down, Cunningham went on to bask himself in embarrassment as he blundered and slumbered his way to an unexplainable performance, perhaps the “gruesome twosome” had been menacing him as well.

The Gruesome twosome

Team Robbin harried the Ballynafeigh pair of Leitch and Lavery all the way to the finish line before Robbins the younger and Lavery the fatter fell back from the lead. Leitch and Robbin the elder kept up the relentless pace and wins for both in the final round left them tied equal first. This meant the championship was to be decided by an Armageddon match white having 5 minutes black only 4 however black only needs a draw to claim outright victory.

The draw was made under the auspices of the legal eagles of Waters and McAlister who had obviously fallen victim to the magnetic draw of the TV cameras to give up £350 a minute consultation fees. Kiran Robbin drew white and had 5 minutes to defeat the ultra skinny looking Leitch, however Leitch was determined to leave his opponent slim pickings which considering his waistline or lack of it really wasn’t much of a problem and kept a locked position throughout trading at each and every opportunity to thwart the Young Turk of the checkered board.

Ballynafeigh Chess Club with nearly fifty percent of the field took away the Ulster Blitz Title but surely the honours belong to the Robbin household who took second prize the grading prize and all the accolades

Leitch posed for photos and x-rays afterwards

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Destination or Desperation

Some people are so set on fame and glory they’ll try any scheme or scam to further their dreams or ambitions just take this stunning example of the Rascal’s board one occupier extraordinaire Richard Gould.

Whilst thumbing through the Telegraph I came across a photograph of a specialist heart team with a revolutionary new technique for patient treatment when lo and behold there in the back row among all the blue uniforms was the intrepid “tricky dickey” looking almost like he was part of the famous cutting edge surgical team.

Strong rumors persist that apparently Richard was walking by on his way to work when he spotted the chance to participate in an impromptu photo-op, seizing his chance he displayed lightening reactions to ditch his blue head-gear and red blanket and stood at the back wearing the rest of his blue uniform, quite clever Richard but remember no one really likes a clever dick.

The real professionals with Richard lurking at he back

Richard in his proper full uniform

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Santa needs help

Just got an email from Santa asking can anyone help with one of his reindeers because he and his helpers are having major problems trying to set Blitzen for 3 minutes with a 2 sec increment.

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Dear Leader Dead…

Some ghastly irresponsible, jingoistic, and quite heartless reporting today from a barrage of media outlets such as the BBC, ITN, CNN, NBC, Reuters, ABC, Al Jazeera, Fox News and even Downtown radio.

They had feverishly blazoned the screens with multi coloured banners announcing if not proclaiming the tragic passing of one loved so much. They scandalously whetted their lips in anticipation as to whom the laurels of greatness would be bestowed, who would be trusted by the collective membership to wear the yoke of leadership?

I considered this to be a very cold if not cynical exercise by people who didn’t even know the man personally on any level so I decided to phone his dear sister whose private number I have in my possession and offer the condolences not only of me but the UCU membership as a whole.

I must admit there was a stony silence on the other end of the phone before she assured me there must be some tragic mistake that there was absolutely no doubt that Johnny Cairns was alive and well and that she’s just brought him breakfast in bed of boiled eggs with dunking soldiers of toast. So it looks like a horrible and cruel case of mistaken identity guys and we can all breathe a collective sigh of relief for the time being and put the thoughts of a Drew Ferguson succession out of our heads.

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Ulster Blitz Championship

At the Boat Club venue on 27th Dec

Report to follow

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Fisherwick swamp the Rascals literally

Fisherwick sent a marauding hoard of warriors to Ballynafeigh this week to slap a bunch of Rascals, or to “chastise them severely” according to Ray Devenney. Fisherwick are the elite selection of the player emanating from the Malone road venue led by the battle hardened John Cairns as opposed to their sibling team Malone led by the “bottle hardened” Martin Kelly.

Fisherwick had made several changes to the usual line up with some new faces (well really quite old ones)  Ulster Masters winner Michael Waters was missing probably still on the tequila somewhere with Chris Moyles. Also missing was John Masterson and Eamon Walls the three had a combined rating of ….5771.

Replacing them were Norman McFarland, Ian Woodfield and John Bradley with a combined age of… 5771. Ian and Norman aren’t that ancient  really but John Bradley is really, really old, when John first played competitive chess Pontius Pilate was the league controller, actually he must have still been in control when one of Johns  teams swindled one of my teams for the league many years ago and the controller washed his hands of us… hmmm!

The Fisherwick substitutes bench

But we’re not ones for holding grudges at Ballynafeigh and normally let them drop at the end of every millennium so we switched on the chair lift for John and made room for his antique wheelchair. After a quick dust-down to remove the grime and the cobb-webbs and a splash of oil in the right places John was able to move the pieces and press the button on the clock, and even write.

The expected 5-0 slaughter got underway on 4 of the 5 boards as the rascals were missing their board 4 trainee doctor Paddy Magee who was off on the drink celebrating after saving a woman earlier that day, I must admit I didn’t even know he was a born again Christian. Ten phone-calls, twenty text messages, and thirty minutes off the starting clock later this wannabe Florence Nightingale was still on the missing list, so the coercion of David Conlon an innocent visitor to the game as a spectator was hastily arranged.

Paddy Magee prepares for Fisherwick

No sooner had the gallant David took up the sling-shot against the goliath of Ian Woodfield a distant squawking of Christmas carol singers could be heard at the window, an irritating noise that built to a crescendo with some singing clarity “Damiennn it’s Paddeeeee”

Christ I thought… I knew he didn’t look like any Florence I’d ever known, and now I knew he didn’t sound like a nightingale either, if his stitching isn’t better than his singing Belfast is going to need more blood donations, an awful lot more!

I stayed outside the main playing area as I unexpectedly had my two daughters with me, one aged three and the other six months, though which is which is hard to tell at times. I wasn’t suppose to be minding them on chess nights but the wife got a phone call and dumped the kids with me as she was sent out to track down a local heroin dealer, she’s not a policewoman or anything she’s just an addict.

Some time later I returned to the playing hall to see how bad things were for the wee rascals, as I walked towards the boards I saw Johnny Cairns he looked like he was making a donation himself as the blood drained from his face.

“This is not our night he said in a weak humbled voice, “look at the state of those boards” he sniffled.  I quickly scanned the boards to ascertain the situation and I must admit I had a chuckle or twenty. The rascals were firing all three cylinders of their little smart car and they must have loaded it with the rocket fuel that Paddy Magee hadn’t drunk, were as the Fisherwick Ferrari spluttered and banged,  they really could have done with a little of the Mexican’s tequila in their tank.

I turned to nod in agreement with Cairns analysis of the current state of play hoping not to laugh in the process only to see the door not hitting his arse on the way out, I followed him outside to the smoking area to console him…. Well to be honest it was to gloat but before I could do that I had to mop the floor for ten minutes to dry up the Fisherwick tears as Johnny Cairns whinged and whined about how they were doomed, things got so bad the community centre maintenance officer phoned a plumber thinking a pipe had burst!

“This is wrong, this is all wrong!” uttered Cairns “who’s that ringer you have on board 4” “those digital clocks are not right” “where is your wife, get her here now”

Johnny I said, “the guy just came tonight I don’t know him, he’s just an honest chess player” “the clocks are fine and accurate” “oh and the kids are quiet and don’t need to be collected by the wife” I said…. “What” Johnny replied “I don’t care about the kid’s man” “I just want some drugs off her, I need them after this man”

However the little Rascal smart-car suddenly blew a head gasket and lost all power and as it grinded to a stuttering halt the spluttering Ferrari of Fisherwick drove past, the result may have put a polished shine on this wagon but only those that were there will know how close it came to being a car-crash and a write-off for Fisherwick though how they didn’t aquaplane on Johnny’s tears on the way out I’ll never know!

Fisherwicks new score-sheets

The Ulster Masters

This weekend saw the inaugural running of the Ulster Masters at the Belfast Boat Club, unfortunately avoidable errors in planning and advertisement greatly diminished the potential to attract a more significant field for the competition. However armed with hindsight the organizers are resolute in their determination to ensure a greater field of entrants for next year’s tournament.

The Bombardier Chess club was heavily represented in the tournament, not just by Mark Newman’s physical weight but in entrance numbers also. It was a club decision which was to be handsomely rewarded as several members formed an orderly queue to receive prizes from the UCU President John Cairns with both Ross Harris and George Jackson leading the way by winning the Challengers and Intermediate titles respectively, Ross’s victory was all the sweeter with a score of 5/6 in a field that contained Karina Kruk and Ian Woodfield.  Karina lost to Ross on count-back using the Buchholz system, when commiserated on losing she said well “I only lost because of that Buhozlt, Buchman, Buc, Buzoltz, Bucchaz, ….. I only lost because of Johnny Cairns”

The Junior tournament was won by Phillip Morrison who crushed Cathal Murphy for playing space in the middle game in the final round, this sent Phillip on his way to the title, if not Knockbracken

The main focus of the event was the Masters title which went to Michael Waters after an emphatic display of precision chess against a field made sparse by his mere presence. The only danger to Michael’s accurate and relentless pursuit of the crown came from Gareth Annsley however a miscalculation by Gareth cost him a knight and the game after an expensive Queen check by Michael on the E-file.

Gareth was still able to console himself with the runners up cheque which helped him drown his sorrows in the Cutters-wharf bar next door, surrounded by a hoard of Belfast beauties out on their works Christmas dinner who had mistaken him for the DJ Chris Moyles.  It was at this point that Gareth offered to buy all the chess players present drink all night if they kept calling him Chris while the girls were around.

Keen not to let an opportunity like this to go bye I scanned the optics as to assertain which of the Devils buttermilk aesthetically pleased me and dang the price, sure what to hell technically the UCU were paying for it. It was at this point that Gareth “Chris Moyles” Annsley referred us to his statement that he would buy the “chess-players” present drink all night and that only he and Michael were “chess-players” that the rest of us were just “cash-cows” It would have been really funny at this stage for Paul Merson or Shane McGown to have walked through the door with a chess-board under their arm! and drink his ill-gotten gains dry!

Michael chastised his jousting partner from the Masters informing Gareth that he should not be so disingenuous to the proletariat and the correct way to address them should be “Pecunia Bos Taurus” In the immortal words of Tom Clarke “indeed”